My Karmic Relationship

Karmic relationships enter your life for a purpose: to teach you about soul growth, emotional patterns, and the parts of yourself you often avoid confronting. They feel magnetic and intense, almost fated. The highs are euphoric, the lows are soul-crushing, and walking away feels impossible. But beneath the chaos lies a cycle of lessons repeating until you finally learn what you were meant to.

When I met my karmic, it felt like I had been waiting for him my whole life. There was this instant spark, like the universe had finally exhaled after holding its breath. Fireworks. Chemistry. Everything just clicked as if the stars had aligned. I felt truly bonded to him; our connection went beyond the surface. He was incredibly sweet, kind, and patient in ways that made me feel understood. For a long time, I truly believed he was my first real love, not the kind you question, but the kind you imagine growing into. I couldn't picture a future without him because, in my mind, he was everything.

But, over time, the more we connected, the more challenges we faced. Sadness turned to anger. Anger turned to resentment. Resentment turned to forgiveness. Forgiveness turned to moving on. It felt like love, or at least what I thought love was supposed to feel like. I thought love was supposed to be intense, maybe even devastating. It was like being chosen one day, only to be left again. A constant push and pull yet just enough to keep hope alive, but never enough to feel secure. It’s hard to build something lasting when you’re always bracing for the moment they leave again.

It was the classic avoidant rhetoric: “I’m focusing on myself right now,” “This is too much,” “I have everything already planned.” It was always the same pattern of emotional deflection disguised as self-care.

I always held onto hope, hope that things would shift, that the avoidance and emotional deflection were just temporary. A phase he’d grow out of. I convinced myself that one day, he'd finally show up for me the way I hoped he would. But it always ended the same, with excuses about needing to focus on his carefully planned year. As if love had to be penciled in. As if choosing me would somehow throw everything off course. Because, painfully,

It’s not about timing.

It’s not about plans.

It’s about the fact that he could’ve made space for me.

But he chose not to.

Everyone has plans in their life. People make space for what matters to them, no matter how busy, uncertain, or full their calendar is. In other words, he meant “I already decided my priorities. And you’re not one of them right now.” Because someone that truly values you doesn’t leave over and over again. They don’t believe they have access to your life to come and go as they please while they live their life on their terms.

The harsh reality I learned was that he wasn't ready to meet me at my depth, and he didn’t choose me. I wasn’t his priority.

I would’ve chosen him. Because although I was at a point in my life where I was ready to make big changes, pursue my career, and redefine my path, I valued him enough to stay. I cared for him enough, hoping that we could grow together.

Some people don't have the capacity to hold the love you can give to them and that's okay.

I learned a lot from him. I learned about forgiveness and patience. Even though our relationship was filled with emotional turmoil, there was a comfort in it, too. A comfort that came from knowing that, at the end of the day, he was there. Even if only it was for moments at a time, he felt like home. And maybe that's the hardest part, the idea of something that could've been. But the future isn't real and the past is no longer, there is only the present.

Don't wait for someone to choose you, love yourself enough to choose yourself and live your life.